Taglumo has an adventure that largely revolves around baked goods.
So it started when I was posting that video…
Yo. This is your guy The Mighty Bread. Yeah I know this is my 447th account, but who cares. I'm here to show you a hack into Sonic 9 that I did to show you some characters who AGES didn't announce before Corridor takes down my video. Check it out.
I hit the button that would post my video with this description, sitting back and closing my eyes while feeling very satisfied. Then I decided to open my eyes again to see whether my video had been taken down yet, and oddly, my computer wasn't still in my lap. Instead, a knight came riding over to my window.
"Hail, most noble Bread Knight!" called the knight.
"Shush," I said, feeling rather embarrassed. "Dad's asleep and Vee's going to be very annoyed if one of my friends wakes him up. Wait, who are you again?"
The knight's eyes bulged, which could be seen through his visor for some reason. "You don't know who I am?" he said. "You are the commander of the great Knights of Baked Goods, and I am your lieutenant!"
"Oookay," I said. "So where are we going?"
Suddenly, I was seated around a bagel half my height and like—I don't know. Maybe 200 feet in diameter? Something like that. "It's very big," whispered someone else in my ear. "Yah I know," I said, trying to be snarky. No one was impressed.
"…and finally, we have located the Holy Bread Roll," announced a knight, "and we must now go on an epic quest to retrieve it. Taglumo, have you anything to say on this?"
Then I realized that it was my turn to give a speech. "Oh hi everyone," I said. "I guess we're going off to get the most valuable artifact in the world. Sounds good. Let's do this!" Everyone clapped half-heartedly, and then we all left the room.
I was shortly escorted to my noble steed by yet another knight and given my sword. At least, I think it was supposed to be a sword. It was actually a baguette.
"Uh…" I said, scratching my head with the baguette. That was actually very painful, or at least it would have been if I had been trying to hit myself and hadn't been wearing a helmet. "I guess that's why this is a weapon," I said. "And wait. Is this steed…"
I stared at the steed.
"It's your friend Jay," said the steed. He was looking very uncomfortable on all fours. "Seriously, did you have to have a dream in which stuff works like it does in the real world instead of how it does here?"
"You don't know that the real world exists normally!" I exclaimed. "And this isn't a dream!"
Jay sighed. "Whatever," he said. "Ride me."
So I sat on his back, and he rode off into battle, where I promptly began hitting other knights with my baguette. This was the fun part.
"Do you even know if these people are your friends?" asked Jay.
"Their coats of arms say they're evil," I pointed out.
"Coats of arms don't usually—" Jay started to say.
I pointed to the coats of arms on one of the knights who fell past his face, as I had just unhorsed this knight. The knight's coat of arms clearly stated on it: EVIL.
"You have the weirdest dreams," said Jay.
"THIS IS NOT A DREAM!" I yelled. "Also, I'm hungry. Oh look, that's a roll over there. Let me eat it."
Jay groaned as I got off his back and walked over to the roll sitting on a rock. "You're just stopping to get a snack in the middle of battle?" he said. "Do you realize how likely it is that one of us will get killed while you do that?"
I smirked at him. "Plot armor," I said, then I ate the roll.
Suddenly, a heavenly choir began singing around me, and I felt myself levitating into the air.
"Oh good Chaos," said Jay. "Do you realize what you've just done?"
"No," I said.
Jay sighed. "You just ate the Holy Bread Roll!" he said exasperatedly.
I looked down at him, now being four feet into the air. "Oh huh, I guess so," I said.
A deep voice boomed at me from the sky. "You are now the Champion of the Roll," said the voice. "You must now stay with us for an eternity, as you are too holy to return to the mortal world."
"I don't like this," I protested. "Can I spit it out?"
"NO," said the voice.
I coughed it out anyway. The choir stopped singing as I fell six feet, bounced off Jay, sailed through the air, and—
I smacked into the couch.
"You've been asleep there for the last ten minutes instead of being in bed," you said.
"Yeah, but Vee," I said, "I was just having this great dream about being the champion of a holy bread product and leading a group of knights to—" Then I burst out laughing because this was just too silly.
"Anyway," you said, "there's a package for you."
I opened the package, and it was a bread roll with a note attached. To the Bread Knight, it said.
"OK this is too funny," I said. "Let me explain."
And that's why I just told you all this. Now I'll go to bed.
- Taglumo the Hedgehog
- Jay the Horse
- Vereco the Hedgehog
- At least four others
- This story was originally written in third person, but then I decided that it would be better in first person. The decision to have Vereco be "you" was decided even later, and was the reason why I added the first line of the story (which was the last line to be written in real life).